dear dad...
it's two days until your birthday. :) I don't know what we'll do for it, but it'll probably involve cake, knowing sandy. ;)I can't believe you've been gone for 17 years as of the 30th. more than half my life, I've gone without my dad. every once in awhile, I still half expect to see your smile when I get home and hear your laugh or one of your terrible jokes.I miss sailing with you, and how you ALWAYS smelled like the ocean when you hugged me at the end of the day, and your cologne that you'd leave the house smelling of in the morning. I miss what a sport you were, how no matter how STUPID our ideas for fun were, you'd always be game to drive us and usually take part as well. I have to admit, I do NOT miss the "golden sunday drives", but they make good joke fodder even today. :)I still see your fair-skinned 20-yr old face looking back at me from the mirror but with my mom's eyes, I still like cartoons more than "real" TV like you did, and every time I see sailboats, I think of you. thanks to you, I still throw big words around with impudence (ha!), love incredibly strong coffee and pinball, and hate raspberry seeds. mom still says, quite often, that I'm "so your father's daughter that it's almost scary", and it makes me smile. :)happy birthday, dad. I love you forever.
hahaha!
this picture ABSOLUTELY KILLS ME. nothing screams class quite like Courtney Love. nothing.
Friendships and A "Fuck You" Letter
Not all that long ago, I more or less fell out of touch with someone I've been friends with since grade 8. I wouldn't even call it necessarily falling OUT of touch, just kind of falling into lesser touch. Maybe it's because my siblings have lived far away since I was about 6 years old, but distance and time away don't invalidate friendships to me. In fact, one person that I consider a valued friend, I don't speak to more than once or twice per year. It doesn't make me love her any less, and that's just how I am.A few months ago, I had arranged with her to have a chat and to play some catch up, see how things are going. I ended up being unable to make the call, and due to subsequent drama and me not wanting to burden her with it, I just didn't get in touch. She didn't try either, but I felt like it was on me to get in touch. So last week, I emailed her, expressing what a colossal jerk I felt like for not calling (as it really did weigh on me), and telling her about some of the stuff I've been up to, and WHY I hadn't called. I have NEVER gotten shitty with her whenever she's gone silent for ages at a time, which she has periodically.Her reply? A very beautifully worded FUCK YOU.She made some shallow valid points. She likes to stay home with a couple of friends, I like to go out and party (though hanging with friends is totally cool with me too). We don't like the same kind of music anymore. She can't figure out why I haven't yet entered into a career (like her), gotten married (like her), and bought a house (like her). She then went on to say that she has great memories of when we lived a block away from each other, and doesn't "think that can be re-created". She then went on to say that she thinks I'm a beautiful, loving person, who is fiercely protective of her friends (which I am, haha). I haven't felt so incredibly judged in a LONG time. It was niceties, meanness, then niceties; a shit sandwich. In retrospect, she's ALWAYS been judgemental, but this was like being slapped with it, and it really hurt.Should station in life/musical taste/marital status REALLY validate a friendship? To me, getting caught up in that is a violation of friendship. And this girl was NOT always a well-functioning member of society, and I was there for her, always. When she was suicidal, did I bail on her? No. When she went through her serious heartbreaks, did I run because I couldn't understand why she'd gotten so hung up on the person in the first place? No. When she got married, who was the first person to offer help (I ended up doing hers and her mother's makeup)? Me. When she had job stress and other things going on, I was always there, and I never, ever thought about ditching her as a friend because things were tough, or because she was obsessed with Ministry and Lord of the Rings (before it was cool, hah!). She was weird, that was that, and she was STILL my friend.One of my good, long-term friends has, in my opinion, the worst taste in music of all time, I tease her about it constantly. But she's still my friend, and I won't just end a friendship over that. Variety is the spice of life, and if all your friends are doing the same thing as you, listening to all the same music, all at the same stage in life, how can you possibly learn anything from them, or them from you?It's also interesting that she's reaching back to when we were neighbours. That was HIGH SCHOOL, and shortly thereafter. Of COURSE things change. But you should be able to roll with your friends' changes and learn from them instead of just getting pissy that your friend didn't turn into a carbon copy of you. I don't want a huge mortgage at this stage. I'm not ready to be married yet. And I've tried a couple of careers already that didn't fit. Not everyone is so lucky as to hit onto what they love to do right away, or learn to be happy, long-term, doing something that they do not love. That, to me, is not grounds for giving up a friend.When it comes to people, I get past the physical appearance, I don't care how much money they have, what they do (so long as it isn't harming anyone or themselves), what they drive, what they wear, etc. If I want to hang out with someone and get to know them better, it's because there's something about them that's interesting to me, that gives them value to me as a person that I'd care to have in my life in any capacity. I don't have to be friends with EVERYBODY, but the people I like, I REALLY like. They matter, not their THINGS and surroundings.Am I wrong? Who knows. But I'm not about to start judging people to see what it's like to operate on that level.
blech
Wow, yesterday was bad. Comically bad. Hormonally bad, and also rife with bad timing.The good part? It's OVER! Hoofuckingray!ps. Guys are extremely weird, I'm learning. I guess it makes life more interesting! :)
reliving...
...my laaaate teens/early twenties tonight.My bottom lip hurts. :D Now I remember why it's better to go out with the girls sometimes.
mypaciousness
I've now included a shiny new link to my silly myspace page, where I like my current song so much that I may never change it again! My blog there is almost entirely haiku, technically, and why you ask? Because I'm wanky like that. (Just in case I do change my music, right now it's Evidence by Faith No More. Grand tune.)
haha.
This is rapidly degenerating into the WORST BLOG OF ALL TIME™. I should be ashamed of myself.Ok, so last week I FINALLY made it in to see my (insanely babeish and very witty) doctor, who gave me crap for waiting so long ("Three weeks you wait to come and see me when you're sick?" "YOU WERE ON VACATION, and I'm not about to see a different doctor!"). Minor crap. I think he just wanted to banter with me. But whatever...yeah, he confirmed that I am (or was) rather ill indeed, said that I have no energy because I'm fighting something off (I thought I was just being a wimp), and that I had all the symptoms of a SINUS INFECTION. Gloryoski...I thought it was a cold that I was just doing a shite job of getting rid of. Boy do I feel better. Sort of.I had a bunch of readings today, and afterwards felt so spaced out that I actually lost my sense of time entirely (which COULD be cool), and haven't felt right ever since. Clearly, I'm doing something wrong, but being correct and getting paid is just so RIGHT. Hahaha. Plus, the two that really did it were my two very favourite clients, so it was worth it. I think I just need a quieter spot in which to do it.Sorry Jen, but America's Next Top Model is incredibly satisfying viewing in spite of myself. And tonight's episode was GREAT. TWO weeks in a row saw my predictions come true, and my current least favourite next to Jade girl get voted off. I said in the beginning that Jade would be in the top 4...I was right. Note to Furonda: EAT A DAMN SANDWICH. Nothing can beat Elyse's rantings in Season One though.
Happy 420...
...stoners!Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
*cough* *wheeze*
Yay, I'm sick. AGAIN. This is getting old. This sore throat, sticky eyes, weakness, shivers, coughing, sniffling thing? You can fucking have it. Now, why this seems to happen as I greatly increase my vegetable intake and greatly reduce my sugar intake is beyond me. It's like I'm being punished for trying to eat properly...wtf.On a positive note, I've snapped out of the unbelieveable, guy-related funk I was in. It took a forced confrontation, but boy am I done now. Done like dinner, and with no bullshit tolerance left, which is kind of a good thing. Am I bitter? Shockingly not! In fact, I feel pretty good. Someone else can worry instead of me. Apologies to anyone I've not been keeping in touch with. I can only complain so much and didn't really want to heap it on the masses anymore than I already had.Now, if I can just ditch this sore throat bullshit, and maybe get a new job, I'll be grrrrrreat!Here's me smirking. See? Doing better. haha!
No, I don't know what's up with my hair, though I suspect the frizz fairy paid me yet another visit.
fragrant!
Take the quiz:
What do you smell like?
You Smell Like Vanilla
you smell like cookies. you probably take three or four showers a day and chances are that you shop at victoria's secret and get the vanilla perfume. it''s okay...i do too.
Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!
